Considering the quality of new television shows this fall season, the writers are the last people who should be on strike. If anyone needs to be picketing, it’s the viewers. These shows are so bad the writing could be outsourced to New Delhi and no one would notice a shift in quality for “Cavemen” or “Pushing Daises.” Who comes up with these plots? Manatees? Are we so desperate for new show ideas that we’re starting to surf the commercials between already bad shows? What ever happened to having a show about nothing?
At the beginning of the season though, one show stood out as a beacon on the crap heap that Hollywood continues to shovel out. Somewhere between further expounding upon the concept that Americans are rude in the twelfth season of “The Amazing Race” and proving for the fifteenth time that Americans can survive in exotic places like China, where people already live, CBS decided to actually come up with a new concept. Their idea was to strand 40 kids, ages 8 to 15, in the New Mexican desert for 40 days. With cameramen filming their every move, the children would be left to create their own, an aptly titled “Kid Nation.”
From the previews, this concept could have been the reality show to end all reality shows. What better entertainment than to watch “Lord of the Flies” played out in 42 inches of HD greatness? What’s more, the concept had drinking game written all over it. At the very least it could save some high schoolers the trouble of having to read another book. “Kid Nation” could have been a contender. It could have been something. Sadly, it was not to be. Before the children even had a chance to organize into a society and exile the fat kid, the producers forced a Hollywood version of utopia upon them.
Before the show went to its first commercial break, 36 of the children had been forced to accept 4 previously chosen kids as their Town Council. Picked by God (the producers), it is the job of the Town Council members to head up each of the four teams that society apparently breaks into when left to its own devices. Instead of factions based on ideology, the children are forced to base a society around groups tied to one of four colors. According to CBS, the difference between Republicans, Democrats, libertarians, and populists is about as simple as the difference between red, blue, yellow, and green.
Having split up into groups, the basic premise of each show has three parts. The first fifteen minutes is mindless filler about the kids. Mostly it’s a lot of crying and missing home. Drinking game number one revolves around Mike the Boy Scout crying. It happens often enough that he probably will be barred from becoming an Eagle Scout.
For the second part of the show, the four teams compete for chore duties that change every three days. First place gets to be the upper class. They get paid one dollar and don’t have to do anything. Those in second place become members of the merchant class. They get paid fifty cents to run the stores. Third place kids become the cooks, and get paid a quarter to, well, cook. Finally, fourth place (because there are no losers in Hollywood) becomes the laborers. They earn ten cents to do the laundry, clean the latrines, and generally get looked down upon. In addition, if all four teams complete the task in the time allotted, the Town Council gets to choose between one of two rewards for the town. One reward is something they need; the other is something they want. Examples of CBS’s cruelty include choosing between Go-Karts or Vegetables, Religious Books or Pizza, and a BBQ of delicious meat or oral hygiene products.
Finally, the last fifteen minutes consists of the town meeting. Every three days, the town council picks one person who has been doing a good job building the society. This person gets a gold star worth twenty thousand dollars. They also get to call home. It’s the viewer’s chance to see one of the 40 worst parents in America.
Having forced the children to adopt CBS’s version of society, it is interesting to note how quickly the children transform their town into a capitalist marketplace with democratic ideals. For one, most of the toys and candy in the shops costs a lot more than the ten-cent laborer wage. To fix this, one child proves that old adage about the first profession by dancing in the street for money. Think of it as the G rated television version of prostitution. Others sell handmade crafts or food from the kitchen. Yes, one kid sells something you can get for free if you just walk to the kitchen. Regardless, within 6 days, the children have created a competitive marketplace.
Secondly, the gold star award is worth twenty thousand dollars. Each child does his best to improve the society in order to earn the monetary reward. Some of the town council members think that individuals who work only for the reward don’t deserve it. In the end, though, their opinion doesn’t matter. The gold star proves that regardless of any idealist notions of working for the common good, at the end of the day, its money that motivates people.
Lastly, at every town meeting, the 36 children not on the council get to evaluate their leaders. If there is enough dissent, elections are held for new leaders. Within the first week, the children have elected their own leaders and replaced those chosen by divine right (the producers).
In the end, despite CBS’s forcing of a version of society upon the children, “Kid Nation” proves that capitalism and democracy win out in the end. What took fifty years in real life was fixed in the kid world in 12 days. If there is ever a next season, the producers would be wise to avoid forcing any doctrine upon the children. After all, it makes for better ratings when children are left to their own devices. Just abandon them with a conch shell and let nature take its course.
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